If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
