Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
