Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
