he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
