i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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