Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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