So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
