I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
