Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
