Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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