he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His nipple licking is glorious
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