The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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