we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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