the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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