Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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