so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
