Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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