My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
