i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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