I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize