what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
