my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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