I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
