It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
