We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
