he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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