it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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