you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
