Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
