it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
