I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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