do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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