then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
