Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
