Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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