i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
