I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize