You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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