It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
