My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
