ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
