I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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