I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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