but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
