Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
