i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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