Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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