Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
