That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
