So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
