It's Friday. Sex?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
