yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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