My Higher Power is John Stamos
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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