I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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