i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
