Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
