Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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