Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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