saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so let's talk penis.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
