It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FUCK WHALES
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
