Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
