Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
