So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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