I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
