Im at strip club and am horny
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
