White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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