the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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