The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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