so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
