just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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