My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize