All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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