U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
