Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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