One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
