Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
