Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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