STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
